The Truth About Swine Flu

Fear of the Swine Flu is sweeping the nations! Two schools in Adelaide have been closed down due to the Swine Flu, and since one is my school's 'brother school,' and another is just up the road from our school, teachers are predicting that we'll be the next to close down.

I am a year 12 student with an abundance of medical experience (5 days work experience at a hospital last year), I believe I should give my view on this pandemic, as I am a trained medical professional.

Swine Flu is a conspiracy. It was brought in by the Mexican Government due to a shortage of pigs among pig farmers. The Swine Flu was developed to evolve hobos into pigs, to solve the pig shortage in Mexico. Unfortunately, some of the hobos escaped into the countryside and spread the virus.


The Swine Flu starts off with Flu-like symptoms, such as diarrhoea, fever aching joints and feelings of lethargy. However, if the flu is left to develop for over a month and a half in a single person, it will develop into what it was designed for - to turn humans into pigs.

First, the individual's skin texture will begin to change. It will become slightly rough, hairy, and will adopt a pinkish tinge. They may even begin craving scraps, and find themselves rummaging through their own (or neighbours') rubbish bins. Then, the person's nose will begin to form into a snout. Though people think that their bones and muscles are aching due to flu-like symptoms, this is actually because their bone structures are changing into that of a swine. Eventually, their feet will shrink into hooves, and their posture will shift until they are walking on all fours.

These changes will continue until the person has completely morphed into a swine. Fortunately, medical professionals have been able to slow the process, and even though the final stages cannot be reversed, they can be prevented. If you have any of these symptoms, consult a medical professional immediately, before it's too late. Also, if you are diagnosed with Swine Flu, do not leave treatment too late, unless you want to be lying next to my eggs and toast on my breakfast plate in the morning.











Note from Ojaye to gullible readers: Yes, I take full credit for making this up and posting it, but for Gosh sake, don't use this in some sort of school report or something. Your teacher will give you an F. (Or an E, depending on what school you go to)
Note from Ojaye to sensitive readers: It was brought to my attention that some may be offended by this post. I'm really sorry if you've lost a loved one to the swine flu. Please don't take this blog too personally! =D

"If you're like me, it's possible you're a clone generated from my stolen DNA. I suggest you turn yourself in for destruction immediately." - Shaun Micallef