First of all, Jordan's and Mum's birthdays were this week. Happy birthday to both of them.
I haven't read this over properly so it probably sucks. I'm too lazy to write anymore...
Yesterday was my mother's birthday. A week earlier, I had ordered her a cake from a cake shop I will call "
Elephantland." I went in there and said I wanted a vanilla sponge cake with cream, strawberries, chocolate piping and the following text:
"Happy birthday Mum
Love, OJAYE, Dad, Jordan and Nana."
DISASTER #1.
It was brilliant. I am brilliant. The problem was, two days before mum's birthday, I got a phonecall saying the entire message wouldn't fit on the cake.
"Can't you just write it smaller?" I enquired, "I don't mind if the writing is small."
The woman on the phone replied, "I'm sorry, we don't actually make the cakes. We order them from a bakery and they do everything."
I kept thinking throughout the conversation, "All you have to do is TELL THEM to write everything small," but I decided not to make a fuss and just let it go. She told me I had a maximum of
x words to put on the cake so I just decided to get her to write "Happy birthday Mum." How boring.
DISASTER #2.
Two days passed and I heard nothing from Elephantland. On the day of my mother's birthday, I woke up early to go to work. I wished my mother a happy birthday and gave her a present (an awesome tabletop ironing board from IKEA. I swear it's the most awesome thing you'll ever see. She liked it too.) and had to go to work. I planned to meet mum in town after work to go shopping with her and Nana. While I was at work, my phone rang.
Who could it be? I wondered. I answered my phone.
B: "Hi, this is Belinda, calling from Elephantland, how are you today?"
O: "I'm good, how are you?"
B: "Alright. There's a problem with your cake. It hasn't arrived. The bakery hasn't sent it, but you can pick it up tomorrow morning."
O: "I'm sorry, what? Her birthday is today... I can't pick it up tomorrow."
B: "We order it from a bakery and it just hasn't arrived. There's nothing I can do about it, so sorry. The best I can do is get you to pick it up tomorrow."
O: *slightly panicking but hiding it from this strange Elephantland employee, who seems happy to change the date of my mum's birthday* "Sorry, I'm ordering the cake with someone else so I'll have to sort it out with them and call you back."
Belinda gave me her number and I hung up.
At this point, I went to speak to my father, who was the "someone else" I was ordering the cake with. I am extremely timid dealing with employee people and demanding refunds and such, but him, being a strong Singapore/Malaysian always searching for a bargain and impeccable service, called Belinda of Elephantland back and told her that this was unacceptable and we would like a refund and we would find a replacement cake
that day.
DISASTER #3.
After hanging up, everyone in the workplace frantically began calling cake places and asking what they could do. We finally found a place I will call
"Sexyguy." Dad called Sexyguy and asked what cakes they had to offer. Sexyguy was brilliant and offered many delicious cakes for us to buy. (And it was much cheaper than the original cake.) We finally decided on a delicious chocolate cake. Dad called Sexyguy and asked the employee to put it aside for us. As dad grabbed his keys to leave the office, Sexyguy called back and said that someone else had sold the cake while they were on the phone to us. DISASTER. We decided on a fruity cake instead.
DISASTER #4.
All this time, neither dad nor I had money to buy these delicious cakes, so we had to call mum into the office to give us money for some mystery reason we wouldn't tell her about. (We payed her back later but neither of us had money at the time.) ANYWAY. After this, Sexyguy called back once again saying they could give us the original cake after all, as they called ANOTHER Sexyguy and asked if they had the chocolate one. And they did.
DISASTER #5.
So as dad went to Sexyguy
finally to pick up the chocolate cake, Elephantland called me back.
B: "Hi, this is Belinda from Elephantland, how are you?"
O: "I'm alright," (Automatic reply), "How are you?"
B: "I'm good. Listen, I pulled some strings and I can get that cake for you now. You can pick it up at 4pm as we'd arranged earlier."
O: "Uh oh, my dad just ordered another cake and has gone out to get it..."
I gave her Dad's number but he hadn't taken his phone with him. He came back with the cake. He called Belinda of Elephantland, saying he had already bought the cake and we still want the refund. Belinda agreed.
DISASTER #6.
I understand this has nothing to do with cakes, but after I finished work, I was meant to take the tram into town in order to meet my mother and Nana. I knew they would only be in town for about an hour or so more, and it was about a 10 minute walk to the tram stop. I rushed. Rushed and rushed to the stop. When I was about 80 metres away from the tram stop, I saw, in the distance, the tram. Pulling away from the stop. Next to a bus going in the same direction. Also leaving it's stop.
I fell to the ground and cried.
I didn't actually. That's a bit too dramatic. I did, however, call out "NOOOO" dramatically, as I do normally when something like that happens. Not loudly, but loud enough for those nearby to hear. I didn't think anyone was around, but I looked to my right to see a man leaning into his parked car turn his head and staring at me like I was a mad woman. I understand him in thinking that I was crazy, because the tram was too far away for him to put two and two together.
Afraid of being late, I stood at a crossing in between the tram stop and a bus stop. My plan was that if the bus were to arrive, I could run across quickly to catch the bus. If the tram arrived, I could simply jump on the tram and ride to freedom. A nice man walked up to me at the tram stop and asked me if I thought the tram was far away. He was middle-aged and quite friendly. I had no reason to think he was a creepy sleaze or anything. I had, at this point, been waiting for about 10 minutes, so I knew the tram couldn't be far away. I told him this, and said I hoped that it would be coming soon. He then asked me where he could get a timetable for the trams. I told him he could probably get one at the public transport place in the city and that he should try there. As I had just finished telling him this, a bus arrived at the stop. I had said everything I needed to say to the man, but our conversation had not quite ended, as there was nothing to really wrap up the conversation, but he had moved a bit further away from me, indicating a kind of end to the conversation, I guess. Unfortunately, I was too worried about missing that bus at the crossing and BOLTED FOR MY LIFE across the tram tracks (at the crossing of course) and jumped on the bus. I have a feeling the man thinks I was running away from him, but I just didn't want to waste any of my mum-nana-ojaye-birthday-time.
DISASTER #7.
When I met up with mum and Nana, we had some sushi and I got diarrhoea.
RESOLUTION TO ALL DISASTERS.
At 4pm that day, I went to Elephantland to pick up my refund for the cake I had ordered. I opened the door of Elephantland and the woman, whose voice I recognised as Belinda, asked how she could help me. I told her I was Olivia and I had talked to her on the phone, and she went "OH." and went to the cash register to give me my money.
As she handed the money to me, she told me all about that crappy and unreliable bakery. Apparently the same thing happened to a $200 wedding cake the month before. It just didn't show up. On the day. A $200 wedding cake. Everyone knows you only have weddings for the cake! When a man proposes to you, you immediately ask, "Do we get cake?" and if he says yes, you marry him. Everyone knows that. They ruined a couples marriage, a couple's happiness. Their lifetime together. Shattered. I didn't say this of course, but I thought it. Belinda of Elephantland told me that since Elephantland is a franchise, they all order from one bakery so they are not allowed to change either. How unfortunate. Belinda also added, "I can't sell the cake, so you may as well have it."
Still thinking about that poor couple and their wedding cake, I looked at her and said, "sorry?"
"Oh, well, I got the cake anyway and I can't sell it, so you can have it for free."
A ray of light shone from the heavens. A free cake, you say? Oh, my dear, all is forgiven. You will be eternally grateful for giving me that cake.
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